My story Communication Skills, first growth is dedicated to the Public Domain. Let’s see how this little seedling of a story grows with you, okay?

Communications Skills

Report Start.

On that week, desert locusts ceased forays into Guinea-Bissau, West Africa’s cashew groves, amid entomologists’ confusion and farmers’ celebration. On that week, most honeybees halted production all over the world, save for a few who personified — or insectified — the human expressions “busy as a bee” and “bee’s knees” and concocted the sweetest honey as commemoration. On that week, lice spared millions of humans from itches, scratches, welts, and wounds. On that week, house flies did not fly, for they left houses, hid awhile and even moved their maggots far from the sight of human eyes. On that week, pest control companies’ telephones stopped ringing, prompting one manager to quip, Well, if pests won’t pestered people, well, our business is pestered! On that week, the only insects fluttering about were all considered either “in high” or “in the highest regard” by humans — bees, butterflies, dragonflies, damselflies, cicadas, crickets, ladybugs, and water striders. No human could have imagined that these upstanding arthropods could spell out English, Chinese, Arabic, and other written language characters via their powers of flight and number; the air was a billboard of Hellos, Welcomes, How-are-Yous, We-Mean-No-Harms and Finallys, all reassuring reminders by these linguists-insects, on that week.

On that week, the cockroaches parleyed with Danilo Magpantay, Jr., a Filipino cell phone technician.

Out of all life, of all life’s taxa, of all its domains, of all its kingdoms, out of all the members of Kingdom Animalia, only phylum Arthropoda heeded Danilo’s cry of Kausapan niyo naman ako! A solitary cockroach who was nonchalantly enjoying a figurative and literal upside-down view of the world heard and spread the word to her — or his, or its — fellow ipis with a series of appendage dances. As her insect body steadied and her extremities gyrated, her dancing was felt, heard and repeated by cockroaches in the vicinity. Soon the dancing spread fleetingly and surely among other cockroaches who were so excited and ecstatic about the prospect of initiating communication with the humans. A few thousand died while dancing, their exoskeletons rubbing against each other, creating static charges inadvertently and shocking the dancers to death in the process. Their relatives did not grieve (and they could not), for dying was a constant and a companion in their insect lives. And besides, even their eggs felt the cockroach dance’s excitement and ecstasy, hurriedly hatching the shells and releasing the nymphs to partake in the revelry. Thus, conversely, the dance-message was performed and the message-dance was sent. Soon the single harbinger became crawlers in twos, threes, groups of fours, a swarm, swarms, on the bare ceiling, walls and floors of Danilo’s cell phone repair cubicle in a busy corner of Shaw Boulevard, Mandaluyong City.

Finally, when Danilo screamed, the cockroaches also screamed their first word in English — Finally!

Danilo could not believe his ears. He had thought, had expected, had wished that other organisms, preferably extraterrestrial, would respond to his “invention” or, more accurately, serendipitous find. Even he did not know how one of his customers’ cell phones transformed itself into a “universal translator” tuned into the minds — or hearts, whichever ­— of animals. He has not repaired the unit, by the way. All the same, the stray cat, who was fed with morsels from Danilo’s faux Tupperware lunch box was the first animal to speak through the cell phone, singsonging in perfect English, “Thank you for your food. So, FINALLY, you people have found a way to listen to us? Great.” Danilo, confounded with his discovery, stared at the cat, pressing with questions: Ano’ng sabi mo?Nagsasalita ka ba talaga? Paano? Listen, makinig? Iyon ba ang sabi mo? The cat stared at Danilo, vaguely shaking her ears — perhaps in disappointment? A tail brushed Danilo’s nose, and the feline left, still the same old stray, mangy, smelly, pesky cat it has always been reputed by the human cubicle owners. Danilo followed, fastened himself to, and fondled the cat, in hopes of getting it to speak again, but the cat did not neither speak nor sing a word thereafter.

Desperate Danilo left his work cubicle to find more talkative creatures. The nearby palengke might be a good test area, he thought. Sold for a couple of pesos were catfish, almost a pail full. Confident with his newfound powers, he pointed the cell phone at the squirming, slithering, slimy fish, announcing, O,mga pusang isda, kausapin niyo naman ako. Naririnig niyo naman ako eh, di ba dibs? The squirming, the slithering, and the sliding stopped; shiny, worried eyes peered from the pail. Danilo, also worried at the palengke people’s glances, nudged the pail with his foot, hissing, Pssst, ano ba? Hello? He heard cursing, and cursed back, a sharp and silly expletive leaving his mouth, his foot tapping the pail, some water sloshing. The eyes merged with the murk, as a palengkero cursed again and muttered about low pay and lowlife bosses. Whispering Danilo pleaded, then gave up, frustrated. For three days, Danilo tried to talk with animals. However, dogs only perked their ears, pipits and parrots only shrieked their versions of Aba, and pigs just shushed themselves. Almost all of Kingdom Animalia’s denizens met Danilo and the device with silence.

On the sixth day, Danilo trudged to work. He snoozed his troubles away, weary of the animals’ silence. In and out of dreamland and real land he went, angered at the way the animals were treating him and the device. He thought, Yayaman ako, basta lang mapatunayan kong kaya ngang makausap ang mga hayop gamit ‘tong cell phone. Ayaw naman nila akong kausapin. Ayaw nila iyon, makakausap na nila kaming mga tao?Magkakaintindihan na, world peace pa? Ibi-business ko ito! Dreamland showed him Danilo the wealthy, the famous, the innovator, the peacemaker, the panacea, the bridge between worlds. But the human subconscious is a strange mirror, and Danilo soon dreamed of humans who branded him a fraud and demanded that he prove his claims in front of the world’s most respected scientists and cell phone technicians. He accepted the challenge, but the device failed him at the last moment. He failed, too. So much was the nightmare’s agony that he found himself awake with the words Kausapan niyo naman ako! in his throat and swarms of eager cockroaches awaiting his return to the waking world.

Never has Danilo listened to such ilk; the cockroaches reminded him of his younger sister, babbling, blabbering, and bursting with propositions and questions tinged with typical, childlike honesty.

We sense that your internal pumping organ is pulsing erratically. You are afraid, are you not? Danilo stopped screaming. Very Well, the high-pitched voice mused. The swarms retreated quickly into the cubicle’s corners, edges and wall interiors, leaving only three nymphs. Danilo welcomed the interlude.

So humans do feel a sense of claustrophobia. Another trait that we share! A stunned Danilo could only nod in fear.

The three young cockroaches twirled on the cubicle wall and resumed their speech.We, the BreedMoveMoveMoveEatSurvive family has waited for this day to come, to finally speak with your kind, the three nymphs intoned. In behalf of the other Members, we formally welcome you, Young Humans, to The Family! The more of us, the better! Danilo sweared that he heard the sound of antennae clapping.

Your kind has been emulating the Family for some time now, right? Breed? Move? Eat? Survive? Danilo’s English and science proficiencies failed him. Your population’s successful spread and propagation across the world is equally comparable to The Family’s. Your kind does not wish to die out willingly for the sake of the World’s recuperation. Thus, You have been Breeding, Moving, Eating, and Surviving without regard for the Others, for the Other People who belong to other Families. The Others do not talk to you, right? A shocked Danilo could only nod in timidity.

The Other People are the Listeners, the Watchers, and The Gatherers. They bred, move, eat, and survive, like The Family, but they like to watch, listen, and gather more. Our differences cannot be resolved, so The Family and The Others agreed on an accord. The Family will always give the Other People time and space, and the Others will give us time and space. Danilo did not understand, but he could not (and dared not) interrupt the cockroaches.

You Young Humans want all time and space. The Other People have moved away from you, but still Your Kind takes and takes. We are the same as you. Danilo still did not understand.

The Family has tried to teach you, to talk to you. We have lived closely with you, have we not? But you do not understand our Tools and our Language, let alone our Ways. How fortunate you have made that Tool. Finally! In Danilo’s mind formed the cell phone’s image.

The Listeners informed us of your desire to talk. The Family has so much to teach your kind. Where do you want to start? Balanced Breeding Basics? Efficient and Effective Propagation Delivery Systems? Geometric Growth Models? Mass Propagation Axioms and Theorems? Metamorphosis Basics? Family Growth and Profit? Perpetual Movement and Perpetual Breeding? Locomotion and Balance: Travelling without Moving and vice versa? That is a new basic subject, by the way. What about Grammar and Syntax of Motion? Diet and Energy? Immortality Investments and Practicalities? Resource Allocation Strategems? Linear and Non-Linear management? Macro- and Micromanagement Lifestyles? Cost-Benefit Analytical Models? Tool Production? Specialization Modes and Models? Efficiency Allocation Rises and Falls? Disaster Coordination Recourses? Competitive Advantage? Cooperative Advantage? Laws of Supply, Demand, and the World? Or maybe You want an esoteric subject, such as Hive Ideology and Colony Ideology: Comparison and Contrast? Danilo was lost in ideas and words. He fainted. Hey, Are you still functioning? the high-pitched voice said.

On the seventh day’s morn, Danilo woke. The sudden recollection of ideas, words, and cockroaches flooding into his mind ran a chill through his body. His eyes flung side to side, his body still frozen. He could see nothing black, brown, and moving. Panaginip pa kaya ito? he wondered. His tongue felt dry and he needed to urinate. He was back in the waking world, for sure. Something felt hard and smooth in his left hand — the cell phone. Something else felt prickly and itchy — Ipis! Danilo shrieked. He flung himself to the wall, flinging the device and the crumpled body of a solitary cockroach. The cell phone broke into pieces. Barely alive, the cockroach took hold of a warm draft and flew into a corner, gone.

Danilo was gone, too. He left without taking his wage, his boss furious at him for damaging a customer’s cell phone now beyond repair. The customer, mad at the boss and Danilo, managed to open the device’s Message Inbox and read a cryptic text message:

We Apologize, Young Ones. The Family is incapable of piecemeal conversation. Forgive our inconsiderate actions. If you wish to learn more, Follow the Listeners’ advice: Listen. The Gatherers are slow talkers. They can help you.

In Kinship, The Family

I saw Danilo Magpantay, Jr. in the park today, the eighth day of what humans all over the world called the “Arthropod Global Decline Phenomenon.” His eyes and ears gobbled the kawayan grove.

Report End.

Written By the World-Dust, with additional primary sources courtesy of the BreedMoveMoveMoveEatSurvive family, Listeners, Watchers and a Grass Gatherer

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